The One On 2 Ways To Help Your Husband When He Is Depressed.

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I remember being pregnant with my fourth child and feeling depressed.  I didn’t want to face the day, I just wanted to escape all my responsibilities, and I didn’t feel like myself.  Everyday felt like a battle.  It felt dark and lonely.  Some of your husbands may always battle with depression or something has happened and they got depressed.  Depression can be brought on by a major life change, trauma, or stress.

Living with someone who has become depressed can feel really challenging because you aren’t sure how to help them.  It can feel very draining on the relationship.  Depression affects a person’s mood.  It causes severe symptoms that affect how they feel, think, and handle daily activities.  Therefore, you aren’t ever sure of their mood and how to handle it.  Depression is a spiral of continual negative thoughts that someone feels buried under.  It is hard on both people in the marriage.

How do I love someone who is in a dark place where there isn’t much love being reciprocated?


Our brains are literally designed and programmed to only take care of us.  Their job is to protect us and keep us safe.  It is all about us.  Charity is what pulls us out from that programming and actually makes it about someone else.  Charity is pure.  There is no agenda or anything in it for ourselves.  Charity gives without ever receiving or expecting to receive anything.  For most of us, service feels really good for us, which is why we like to do it.  It feels good for us to think about how our service is helping others.  This isn’t bad at all and actually keeps driving us to do more service.

However, Charity is 100% about the other person.  This is Christlike love.  This is how our Savior loves us, there is nothing in it for Him.  He just loves us purely.

I really struggle with Charity, because I am great about making things about me.  However, I will never forget when I literally fell on my knees and prayed to Heavenly Father how to love my husband the way he needed to be loved.  Not in how I knew how to love, but what he actually really needed.  It was the most pure prayer I have ever prayed for my husband in the 16 years of our marriage.  Usually I wanted to feel better and so I prayed for my husband to feel better.

The Lord answered me.  He answers our prayers, but especially when we have a pure heart.  For behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.  2 Nephi 32:3

Here are two ways to help your husband when he is feeling depressed:

#1:  Pray to know how you can love him without expecting anything in return.  Really wanting to know what your husband needs right now to feel love.  Because your spouse isn’t feeling much in his depressed state.  He could use your love.

#2:  Keep praying for him.  Let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.  Alma 34:27.  When you continually pray for your husband, it increases your own love for him and empathy.  And the Lord really does answer prayers.

Charity suffereth long.  This can feel so true when your spouse has been depressed for awhile.  It’s okay if you don’t always feel charitable.  The Lord understands.  But the more you practice and try, eventually: It beareth ALL things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

Pray for this love.  It is the answer.

The answer I got that day has led me on a long journey to learn how to really love my husband the way he needed it.  It literally led me to Life Coaching and the tools of learning how to love unconditionally.  It changed me.  It changed my marriage.  It can change you.  Click the link below to get on a complimentary call so we can do this together:

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